Things I Wish You Knew: Brother

Kor,

 

Soon, you will be off to college pursuing your dreams of fashion marketing and design. You will hit it big and will live an amazing future. I’m proud of you as a younger sister.

 

Our childhood was always fun with occasional fights that we would laugh off minutes later. I remember us eating cereal at the breakfast table and we disagreed on something. Somehow, it turned into a fight with hair pulling and we ended up on the floor. We would hear mom coming and straighten ourselves as if it never happened. Looking back, it sure looked stupid and I wish we had been more mature. Life progressed on with you having your own circle of friends and me having mine. We started drifting apart and having more arguments. We physically fought, but most of the time I would end up with wounds. I still cannot fathom how much you have changed. From the loving brother who would speak up against anyone who would mistreat me to the brother who would not even give a second thought to hitting his own sister.

 

I’m glad you found your own buddies that you can call at anytime and hang out with. It feels good to see you happy.

 

Do well in college and make mom and dad proud. Take care of your health.

 

Your sister

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Things I Wish You Knew: Dad

Dad,

 

I don’t really have much to say but I want you to know that I respect you so much. I’m so grateful for all that you’ve done for me and for us as a family. You may not be the perfect dad, but you have improved as the years go by.

 

We have not been close but I appreciate you. It is hard for me to tell you that because of how our relationship is but you have bore so much on your shoulders, experienced body aches, yet you don’t complain about it. You have always worked to provide the best for us, made sure we ate well, took us shopping for special occasions, drove long distances to visit relatives.

 

My fondest memory is when we were young kids, you and mom would get us into our PJs, bring our favorite plushies and pile into the car. You would put on some classical music and we would then go on long drives just for fun so that us kids would fall asleep. That was my favorite part of the day and I always looked forward to it. As I grew older, the way you showed you care changed as well. Once in a while you would come home with bags of snacks. Instead of eating them first, you held back. You also told me that you love my smile and the sound of my laughter. I’m sorry that I robbed you of that. I lost my laughter and smiles when I lost my happiness.

 

You may have really corny jokes and be embarrassing a lot but that’s okay. A lot of dads are. I hate to say goodbye so early but I have to. I cannot bear with the thought of putting you and mom through the pain of having to deal with my depression that will last for a lifetime.

 

I love you, dad. Take care of yourself. Be sure to take your vitamins and treat yourself as well.

Things I Wish You Knew: Mom

Mom,

 

When you brought me into the world 18+ years ago, I’m sure you were overjoyed at having a daughter. I’m sure thoughts of having a buddy to do girly things with made you happy. I’d feel the same way too, if I were you. You and Dad toiled hard to raise me to be self sufficient and independent and I will always be grateful.

 

Our relationship hasn’t been the best after I grew up. I would make an effort to tell you what went on, how I feel, and various things like that but it usually ended up in a huge argument. It was tough trying to finish saying the things I wanted to tell you without getting accused and without assumptions. I would go to my room, lie on my bed, and stare blankly asking myself where I went wrong.

 

I have always cherished the times we spent together having tea time or shopping. You would always give me honest opinions on what you think about things even if we had opposing opinions but we respected each other on that. I love spending my money on you because you have spent so much on me and done so much for me that this is the least I can do to show my appreciation. I enjoy doing things for you.

 

When I told you about my change of beliefs and religion, I was not shocked to receive an objection from you. You’ve always hoped that I would turn out to be the perfect Christian yet I turned out to be the opposite. I wish you would have respected my decision and our difference in beliefs instead of forcing me to believe what you believe. I dislike having unanswered questions and my questions could not be satisfied, prompting me to have a change in religion. You have always told me that I make my own choices but why do you go off the deep end when I make my own choices and stop me? Why do I always have to do things according to your preferences? It was tough during the days following my announcement. When you kept asking me to read the Bible, pray, and go to church, I felt forced and ashamed. It felt like I was offending God and being hypocritical. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of what you would say, so I kept sinning against your God just so I could respect you as my parent.

 

I met Burhan in December 2015 and fell in love with him. It distressed me as to how I should let you know. I ended up keeping it from you for almost a year because I did not want to lose him. He is my happiness and I wasn’t going to let anyone take it away. I also wished that you would allow me to see whoever I wanted to because I am the one in the relationship. We all know that Luke and I did not work out even though you did approve and encouraged us to continue on. He made me terribly unhappy, yet I kept dating him for your sake. The remaining information about this topic is in the letter I left behind for you.

 

I’m sorry for all the times I have failed you as a daughter and have not accomplished my responsibilities. I’m sorry I did not turn out the way you wanted me to but instead, had my own questions and made my own choices. I wish I could have made you happier than how I have made you but it is out of my abilities to reach your standard.

 

Please read the letters I have left behind.

 

I love you and I miss you, mom.

 

Your daughter forever.